The Lord of the Silence: A Soap Opera
by GamerGirl
Summary: A day in the life of Lord of the Rings charactors in Silent Hill and Silent Hill charactors in Silent Hill. Includes various mystery guest stars!
1. Episode One (Pilot)

The Lord of the Silence: A Soap Opera  
  
Episode One  
  
By GamerGirl  
  
[Start episode one]  
  
James Sunderland was very confused at this point. Why was there blood on the road and what was that freaky looking thing that was walking around and puking acid stuff everywhere? Who knew right?  
  
"Hmm, what if this is some kind of hoax? Oh, maybe that kid I used to bully in high school is finally getting revenge." James thought aloud.  
  
James had received a letter from his wife Mary a few days ago. It said something about in her restless dreams she saw the town of Silent Hill, which is where he is now, and that she was waiting in their "Special Place". There's a problem though, Mary died.  
  
James finally gave up thinking and started to wander around. He had found an annoying as hell radio and on of those puking acid monsters that looked like insane asylum patients and to top it off, a piece of wood that he could hit things with. He laughed at the piece of wood for awhile. He didn't know why.  
  
James was about to go back the way he came into Silent Hill when he saw a figure that was turning onto Neely Street. No, wait, it was a... a person and it looked feminine! Maybe it was Mary!  
  
With that thought sticking out in James' deranged mind, he started to follow the figure, not even noticing the pyramid shaped thing on its head…  
  
Frodo Baggins stood on the boat launch in Silent Hill. He didn't know that yet though.  
  
"Uh, Mr. Frodo? This doesn't look like- -"  
  
"I know Sam! We must have taken a wrong turn somewhere."  
  
Frodo turned around to look out into the lake but he was unsuccessful. Very unsuccessful. The fog had quickly rolled in and he couldn't even see two feet in front of him. Samwise Gamgee emerged from the fog a few moments later, with a look of embarrassment on his face.  
  
"Uh, Mr. Frodo?"  
  
"Yes Sam?" Frodo started getting very angry.  
  
"I don't think we are getting to our destination."  
  
"Oh and why is that Sam?"  
  
"Because, I, uh, accidentally got scared and took a huge smelly shit in the boat and the shit burnt a hole in the bottom and the boat sunk. And there aren't any other boats…"  
  
Frodo clenched his fists together and his face went a very dark purple. He was very angry. So angry that he could, kill Sam! That, unfortunately, wasn't an option.  
  
"Uh, Mr. Frodo?"  
  
"What!?"  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"Who knows? But we won't find out just standing around here. Let's go!"  
  
Sam didn't like the idea and took a shit which burnt the docks to a crisp. Frodo turned around when he heard something that sounded crisp behind him.  
  
"Sam? What the hell was that?"  
  
"Uh, sorry Mr. Frodo. The dock just burnt to a crisp because I took a power dump."  
  
"Damn you!" Frodo yelled at Sam and then he turned around to discover the truths of that town in Mary's restless dreams, Silent Hill. He didn't know that yet though.  
  
Harold Mason was in the little school girls bathroom on the second floor of the Midwich Elementary School, with someone. Or should we say something. His beloved radio. Too bad he didn't know that his life of thirty two years would be coming to an end, by the couple hundred aliens that were waiting in the little sewage hole of the bathroom.  
  
"Okay, now Cheryl, when I fart, you start crying like a little girl and then Harold the gay ass fag will stop and run over to the toilet and then we'll do our plan." The leader alien said.  
  
"All right!" Cheryl said while giving a thumb up.  
  
Harold continued to dance with his radio to the "Breaking of the Fellowship" from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, which his beloved radio was playing. They were also making out. Just then, a wet fart was heard, followed by a little girl crying through a toilet.  
  
Harold stopped and raised an eyebrow. Maybe that was Cheryl? After all, he was there looking for her. But, the radio and him were having so much fun together. So, Harold continued to dance and make out with his radio. The dildo popped out a few seconds later.  
  
The aliens weren't too thrilled by this.  
  
"What the fuck?" the leader alien said.  
  
Cheryl was just about to go up through the toilet when something happened. The door opened and in walked a young woman. Harold stopped as soon as he saw her. Man, was she HOTT. She had long layered dark red hair and was wearing a red dress that fell to her knees. She was wearing a black leather jacket and black knee high boots.  
  
"Hey there… bellbottoms!!??" The young woman stated, sounding obviously disgusted by Harold's choice of clothing.  
  
"Yeah, my radio picked them out for me." Harold said while pointing to the little reddish orange radio that was up his ass.  
  
"Oh, what's your name sir?"  
  
"Harold, Harold Mason. You?"  
  
"Melissa, Melissa Harris." It was obvious that she was mocking Harold's way of speech, so he decided to ask her another question.  
  
"What about you? Who picked out YOUR clothes?" Harold asked with great pride, hands on his hips, radio up his ass, and a wide grin on his face.  
  
"I did, and I picked this out for you too." Melissa said and then chop kicked his dick. She grabbed the radio from his ass and karate chopped it in half, shattering it to many pieces of hard plastic. Harold screamed in horror at this event. Harold then fell onto his face and everything went black. The sound of Melissa's fading laugh was the last thing he heard.  
  
Melissa Harris was running down some random sidewalk, laughing insanely at what she had just accomplished. She had finally killed Harold Mason! Or so she thought. But, she wasn't quite done yet. She still had many assholes she needed to kill tonight.  
  
It just so happened that lucky contestant number two was Pyramid Head, that fat, obese, ugly mugged asshole who had almost killed her… okay, not really…  
  
Melissa had a great plan to get rid of Pyramid Head. And it had something to do with that TV show called Candid Camera… but instead, it was Pyramid Camera… or Melissa Camera… or something like that.  
  
As the moonlit starts twinkled in the sky, Melissa disappeared into the night.  
  
  
  
….a….rode….Harold…body….be…the…h….stripped….hi….off….ea…al……..rode………….tap…… ……camera………..t………nude………into……he…..night.  
  
[Opening Credits roll to the tune of "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins". In this episode: James Sunderland, Pyramid Head, Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Harold Mason, The Radio, Cheryl Mason, 200 aliens, and Melissa Harris. With a special mystery guest!]  
  
Harold Mason was lying at the north end of Neely Street, crying like a little girl. His precious radio had been destroyed, by that evil woman by the name of… he couldn't remember. Why? Why his radio? What had his radio done wrong to receive that kind of punishment? Or was she trying to punish Harold?  
  
Tears continued to roll down Harold's cheek. He was really cold and his penis was all hard. He actually came at one point a few minutes ago. Why was he so cold? Oh yeah, he was nude. Someone or something had taken his clothes. To make Harold Mason suffer. And whoever was doing this was doing a pretty good damn job.  
  
Harold's tears stopped as he tried to think of what was happening before he was knocked unconscious. All he could remember was that he was at the Midwich Elementary School, with his radio. And some woman dressed in black… wait no, maybe red? Anyways, some woman came in and destroyed his radio and then knocked Harold unconscious, probably took his clothes and put him here too. But, he didn't know this all for a fact.  
  
If only I could remember, Harold's sad, confused, and angry mind shouted.  
  
Harold also wished he could move. He couldn't. He had no idea why. It was like he was paralyzed. He could only blink, breathe, cum, pee, shit, and sort of move his head around. Maybe in a few hours he would be able to move again.  
  
Harold's thoughts accidentally went back to his radio. The reddish orange color that it had to it. The little dildo that was installed in it so it could his ride Harold's asscrack. The way they danced together. How Harold was going to… to purpose to his radio in a few days. The way his radio listened to everything he said.  
  
That radio was his best friend and now it was dead! Shattered to pieces. But maybe, just maybe if Harold could move again in a few hours, he could get up and find some clothes, obviously, and then go back to the school and find the radio, and maybe remember what the hell happened. The radio…  
  
Harold's sniffles turned into moaning little new born baby girl sobs. Since Harold was crying so hard, he had to shut his eyes. And because of this, he didn't even notice the figure that was bending over his face, ready to take a huge shit.  
  
Pyramid Head was skipping happily down the street that went by the name of Neely Street. He was wearing his brand new pink dress. How he loved that dress. He wore it all the time. And it was also his first one. It made PHead so happy to be able to wear his pink dress. Not to mention the brand new pink high heels that Nemesis had just bought him.  
  
He was hoping that Tyrant would like them as much as he did. PHead then stopped and started to briskly tap dance up the street. He was heading for the Woodside Apartments where he was meeting Tyrant. He was very excited. Tyrant was the love of his life. Actually, one of the many loves of his life. But, he wanted to marry Tyrant and wanted to have little baby Tyrants and PHeads.  
  
But, he needed to break up with his pimps. He should have never joined the Pimps Anonymous Club. It was bad. He had to sneak out every night just to meet a pimp and then fool around with him. He had almost been caught a couple of times by Tyrant.  
  
"Mmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!" a voice from behind yelled.  
  
PHead stopped and clenched his fists together, very tightly. That voice was the voice he most despised, hated with a passion, wanted to destroy the existence of. That was the voice of his number one enemy to date, JAMES SUNDERLAND.  
  
James Sunderland had turned onto Neely Street a few minutes before he saw a figure that looked like Mary up ahead. He had decided to wait a couple minutes before he shouted anything. He didn't want to scare his wife away. But, she couldn't be scared, after all, he had seen her take out a couple of those Patient Demons back there… with her hands.  
  
One Mary had stopped skipping, which was very odd by the way, James decided to make his move.  
  
"Mmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!" James shouted as he ran up to her, ready to make love to her on that very spot.  
  
Mary turned around and James saw that it wasn't Mary. It wasn't a woman. It wasn't even human. It was Pyramid Head, his worst enemy to date.  
  
"What… did… you… call… ME!!!???" PHead roared. Boy did his breath smell bad.  
  
"Uh, I'm sorry Pyramid Head, I thought you were my late wife, Mary. You kind of looked like her fro- -"  
  
"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH!!!!" PHead picked James up by his shirt collar and held him about 12 feet off of the ground.  
  
"IF YOU EVER INSULT ME WITH YOUR UGLY MUG AGAIN, I'LL CUT YOU IN HALF WITH THE GREAT KNIFE, YA HEAR PUNKASS JIMMY!!!!???"  
  
"I think you have been mistaken, bad breath, but you see, you are the one with the ugly mug, not me."  
  
PHead roared a great roar that almost made James puke and go deaf because his breath was so bad and his roar was really loud. James was being thrown in the direction of Neely's Bar a few seconds later. Before James could move, he was being dragged down the street.  
  
"You are going to be VERY sorry that you EVER assumed anything today PUNKASS JIMMY!" PHead screamed and continued to drag James up the street.  
  
Frodo Baggins and his good friend Samwise Gamgee were both standing at the end of Neely Street, looking at a dead end.  
  
"So, what do we do now Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked, sounding particularly frightened out of his mind.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe we should turn and go north. What do you think?"  
  
"Uh, I don't know. What if we run into those weird monsters again?"  
  
"It's not my fault that you are scared shitless of everything here Sam."  
  
At that point, a great roar boomed through the air, making Sam take a huge power dump that splashed all over the place.  
  
"SAM!!!!!" Frodo shouted, sounding disgusted.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Frodo!" Sam replied and started crying like a little girl.  
  
Frodo raised an eyebrow at his friend and then rolled his eyes. He started thinking about the roar they had just heard.  
  
"I'm going to go and check out what that roaring sound was. You can either stay here or join me." Frodo said and started walking north up Neely Street.  
  
A few seconds later, Sam was right by his side. He knew that would happen.  
  
"I couldn't let you go all alone." Sam said.  
  
"Oh yeah, or maybe you couldn't be left all alone."  
  
"Aw man! Why do you have to be so smart and brave!"  
  
"I don't know Samwise Gamgee, I really do not know."  
  
And with that being the final word, Frodo and Sam continued walking up Neely Street, while a big tub of purple lard was slowly rolling behind them.  
  
[Half time!]  
  
Pyramid Head was dragging James down the street and was going to bring him somewhere and watch him suffer. That somewhere just so happened to be the Toluca Prison's woman's bathroom. That, for some really strange reason, made him think of the love of his life, Tyrant.  
  
How he wished he could be there in the tiny little kitchen of their apartment, Room 307 to be exact, riding his devilish little cock up his hard anal ass.  
  
The thought accidentally made him cum. He heard Jimmy James laughing so he threw him about fifty feet in front of him, very hard too. He could see James trying to get up so he quickly ran over to him and picked him up again and continued toward the Historical Society, the only known route to the prison. It wouldn't take them too long to get to their destination, after all, no one dared to go into the Historical Society because of him, the great Pyramid Head.  
  
With that thought being thought in his little brain, he roared yet another great roar and entered the Historical Society. He still couldn't get his mind off of his little pimp Tyrant, and this asshole was making him late! So, he decided the death of Jimmy.  
  
"Well, Jimmy James the punkass, I'm going to be a little nice to ya this time." PHead said as he continued to drag James.  
  
"Oh, what are you going to cut off my arms and legs instead?"  
  
"No. I'm going to throw you down the stairs of doom and watch you die!!!"  
  
Before James could respond to his comment, PHead threw James down the stairs. The stairs that supposedly, never came to an end.  
  
Frodo and Sam stood outside of some apartment building. One of the doors was locked but the other wasn't. Frodo knew because he had jiggled the handle, making Sam yet again, take a shit.  
  
"Sam, why don't you stay out here while I go in and check things out?" Frodo said.  
  
"But, but, Mr. Frodo! It's so scary in here and out here! What i- -"  
  
"Sam, STAY HERE!! If you don't, well, then, you won't know where to find me."  
  
Frodo turned away from his friend and entered the apartment building, locking the door as he went in so Sam couldn't follow him in. Inside, it was very dark, and something was moving up the stairs. Something that looked like a, a, short zombie with scissors?  
  
Frodo shook his head and hit himself. He was probably just seeing things. And now, he was hearing something clanging together, almost like scissors, garden scissors.  
  
"OH damnit, I'll have to follow it." Frodo said to himself and walked toward the stairs. It took him about ten minutes since it was so dark. Maybe that thing had X-Ray vision or something.  
  
Frodo started walking up the stairs, not even paying attention to the screams and pounding on the front door that was coming from Sam.  
  
Melissa was not very happy. She had just found out from one of her fellow friends, Lita Bloom, that Harold Mason was not dead. In fact, he was at the north end of Neely Street, nude. He couldn't move thought which was good. She had to pay him a little visit but at the same time, she had to tape Pyramid Head fucking his various pimps to destroy his life.  
  
She had just seen him walking up Neely Street and if she wanted to tape him, she needed to get there now. But, Harold, damnit!, she thought, wildly cursing him.  
  
Melissa had decided just to go to the Woodside Apartments, Veronica Warren could check up on Harold. Besides, it would only take a couple seconds to film PHead anyways…  
  
She started to walk up Neely Street when she saw a huge fatass tub of lard rolling up the street and heard a scream just outside the apartments. What if that's Harold? Damn. Melissa started to run up Neely Street, turned left and saw something in the middle of the road, along with Twinkie crumbs. Harold? No, too little to be him.  
  
She walked over to the figure in the road and kneeled down, realizing it was none other then a Hobbit.  
  
"Uh, hey there?" Melissa said.  
  
The Hobbit rolled over and farted very loudly. It sounded wet. She then saw some shit oozing out of his ass.  
  
"Mr. Frodo is in there!" The Hobbit said, wildly pointing at the Woodside Apartments.  
  
"Frodo Baggins? Really?" Melissa got up and crashed through the doors of the apartments, intending to find Mr. Baggins. She was sure he wouldn't mind doing her a little favor that included Candid Camera. That way she could see Harold, and Veronica could see Scissorman.  
  
Melissa got a huge devilish grin on her face and ran up the stairs to her destiny… okay not really…  
  
Cybil had just left Harold all alone in the café. Harold walked over to the counter and got a knife and a couple of drinks, along with a flashlight and a map. He looked at the radio but discovered that it was broken and had no use. Boy was he wrong.  
  
Harold went to leave the café, handgun ready to kill anything that might pop out at him, when the radio came on. It was a loud static noise that emitted from the radio.  
  
"Huh? Radio, what's going on with that radio?" Harold wondered aloud and walked over to it. He looked at it and realized how cute it was. The radio was probably scared and wanted Harold to take it with him. Boy, was he wrong again.  
  
The window in front of him smashed open and in flew a huge bird, a creature with no skin and dried blood in some places. Harold started shooting at it, screaming as he did the job. It took Harold about seven shots since he missed a couple of times.  
  
When the bird finally collapsed to its fatal death, Harold got up and looked down at it in horror.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with this place?" Harold wondered aloud, again. He then turned to the radio and picked it up. When he touched it, he got a sensation in his penis that felt like he was going to cum, and he almost did until he put it in one of his coat pockets.  
  
"Geez, how strange? Radio, what's wrong with that radio?" Harold asked aloud as he went to leave the café.  
  
It was cold outside. Snowing and foggy so he couldn't really see. He started walking down a road that would lead him back to the alleyway where had had seen his daughter. As he was walking, the radio emitted more static, but Harold couldn't see anything, until a shadow was over him and something was being dropped onto him that was very hot and smelly. Kind of like, shit.  
  
[End credits] 


	2. Episode Two

The Lord of the Silence: A Soap Opera  
  
Episode Two  
  
By GamerGirl  
  
[Start episode two]  
  
Gandalf the Grey, Legolas Greenleaf, and Gimli the Dwarf were all sitting in a boat, in the middle of nowhere, literally. They had noticed that Frodo and Sam were gone, so they started to search for them. Luckily, there had been a trail of Hobbit shits floating in the water, so they decided to follow it.  
  
"Where the hell are they? And where the hell are WE?" Legolas said, sounding impatient.  
  
"I don't know." Gandalf responded.  
  
"But you are a wizard. Wizards know all don't they?" Gimli asked.  
  
"Well, not in this case."  
  
"Damn." Legolas said, staring off into the fog. He noticed that there was a light in the distance.  
  
"Hey, guys! I see a light!" Legolas said.  
  
"Great. Why don't we row towards it and see where it leads." Gandalf said wisely.  
  
"No shit Sherlock." Gimli said as he and Legolas started to row towards the light.  
  
A few minutes later, they arrived at a dock that looked like it was about to crumble. Legolas reached out to touch it, and it magically caught on fire and burnt to a crisp.  
  
"Uh, okay then?" Legolas said, confused.  
  
"Don't worry mates! I'll magically transfo- er; I mean transport us to the area past the dock!" Gandalf said, sounding very insane. With a flick of his stick, Gandalf, Gimli and Legolas were all transported to somewhere that wasn't outside. In fact, it looked like they were in an old sewer with two feet of water swishing around feet and part of their legs.  
  
"Aw, what the fuck?" Legolas yelled at Gandalf.  
  
"Oops, lemme try to that again." Gandalf replied as Gimli was standing there, rolling his eyes and imitating Gandalf. Gandalf gave him an evil glare, only to notice that Gimli was now staring straight in front of him, a look of fear in his eyes. Legolas was doing the same exact thing.  
  
Gandalf then heard someone walking towards them in the water. He looked forward and saw something. Something that looked very evil, wearing a hat the shape of a pyramid. It's skin was red and it was carrying something that looked like a stick.  
  
"Shit! It has us trapped!" Gimli said as he tried to search for an escape.  
  
The pyramid head thing was almost close to them. About twelve feet away at the max. Legolas pulled out an arrow and shot it at the pyramid head thing but, it just bounced right off and fell into the water. No damage done.  
  
"Oh, shit." Gandalf said as the three men backed away as far as they could, awaiting their death.  
  
"Your name Frodo Baggins?" Melissa Harris asked the rather tall Hobbit.  
  
"Yes. And you?" Frodo Baggins replied.  
  
"Melissa Harris. Nice to meet you. How tall are you by the way?"  
  
"5'6''. Why?"  
  
"Uh, okay, never mind. Could you do me a favor?" Melissa whipped out her video camera that would destroy Pyramid Head's life forever.  
  
"Uh, what is it?"  
  
"Go to Room 307." Melissa handed Frodo her map of the apartments and had Room 307 circled. "Tape a Mr. Pyramid Head and a Tyrant fucking. Follow him all the way to the apartments next door. Do not let him see you! Tape everyone he fucks. When you are done, meet me at the Rosewater Park across town."  
  
"What about my friend Sam?"  
  
"He can survive on his own, if he would just stop taking shits. Well, I have to go now Mr. Baggins. See you later!"  
  
And with that, Melissa turned around and headed out to the north end of Neely Street, making a pit stop on the way to call a couple of her fellow friends to help her destroy the lives of a couple other people. Scissorman and Mary Shepard Sunderland.  
  
But, Melissa had to focus on confronting and hopefully destroying Harold Mason for now. After all, he did deserve it. Okay, not really, but in her mind he did.  
  
Dahlia Gillespie took a huge shit on Harold Mason's nude body, only to find him eating it and saying "Mmmm" after swallowing, but puking it up later, then eating the puke, then in another five minutes, puking again, ETC.  
  
"Harold Mason of the Nude, I will revive your radio and you only if you have sex with *thinks VERY hard* DANIEL BARROWS!" Dahlia said in a high pitched freaky voice.  
  
Harold Mason tried to raise an eyebrow, but was unsuccessful at it since he was still very paralyzed from an unknown thing. The best he could do was the mouth the sentence, "School girls' bathroom, 2nd floor, Midwich School."  
  
"Thank you Harold Mason. I will be back shortly to do the process of the revival."  
  
And with that, Dahlia started to skip down the road towards the Midwich Elementary School.  
  
James Sunderland awoke a few minutes later, after crashing through a metal door and then landing on his head. He was alive which was a shock. He thought that maybe Pyramid Head would've been right, that James would've died. But he didn't.  
  
James laid on the floor for a few minutes, trying to ignore the pain that was ripping through his head and back. Geez, PHead was going to get it. He really was. James sat up at this point, trying to observe his surroundings. It looked like he was in some room with a couple of desks and some papers about prisoners and dates.  
  
He stood up and saw a first aid kit. James ran over to it and used as much of it as he could, then decided to go up the stairs of doom and find PHead and end his life. Or maybe PHead would end his life; he didn't really know or care.  
  
James went through the door he crashed through and started to walk up the stairs. He calculated that he would be up to ground level in about ten minutes, fifteen at the max. He remembered flying through the air for about five minutes, and he was going pretty fast.  
  
About halfway up the stairs, James saw an image in his head. It was aliens, nude, revenge, Neely Street, a woman, Harold Mason. Harold Mason? That name sounded way to familiar.  
  
"Oh yeah! He was the one I ran into at the café!" James thought aloud. "Maybe I should go and try to warn him."  
  
James ran up the stairs, in SLOW MOTION, and made his way to Neely Street to save Harold Mason, or at least try.  
  
[Opening credits. To the tune of "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins". Starring Gandalf the Grey, Legolas Greenleaf, Gimli the Dwarf, Frodo Baggins, Melissa Harris, Pyramid Head #2, James Sunderland, Dahlia Gillespie, and Harold Mason. With mystery guest stars!]  
  
Gandalf had tried to use his stick to attack the pyramid head thing but the pyramid head just chopped it in half. Luckily, the pyramid head tripped and fell, who knows why, and the three men ran by him, and now stood in a small room that had a newspaper article covered with blood on the floor and a door just in front of it.  
  
"So, we can either go through the door or go back down and face that freak." Legolas said.  
  
"Maybe we should just, uh, go through the door. We're useless against that thing." Gandalf said, sounding embarrassed and opened the door. The three went inside and the door automatically shut, locking them inside a hallway where a scream emitted from somewhere up ahead.  
  
"Two go, one stays." Gimli said.  
  
"I'll stay. You and Gandalf go." Legolas said with an evil grin.  
  
"Damnit Legolas! Fine! Let's go Gandalf." Gimli said and took the wizards hand and led him down the hallway.  
  
Gandalf was very scared no doubt and without his stick, he was useless against anything. Literally anything. In fact, he was so scared that he first burped which turned out to be puke and then he farted really wetly and shit appeared.  
  
The floor started to catch on fire.  
  
"SHIT!!! What's happening!?" Legolas shouted, confused and blinded by the light of fire.  
  
"Gandalf took a huge shit!!" Gimli replied.  
  
Gandalf tried to stop taking shits, but the more he tried to stop, the more shit came out of his largely holed asscrack. Gimli and Gandalf had to go through the door where the scream came from and Legolas had to go back to where the freak was since the fire was so out of control.  
  
Gimli ran through the door, and right when he got through, a huge flame busted out from behind him, blocking Gandalf from the doorway. Legolas ran back the way the freak was and fainted.  
  
"GANDALF HURRY!" Gimli yelled, sounding frightened and confused.  
  
"I, I can't get through the flames without my stick!" Gandalf replied. "Just go on without me!"  
  
(IN SLOW MOTION)  
  
Before Gimli could respond, the floorboards in the hallway gave way and burnt to a crisp. As Gimli screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", Gandalf fell down the hole the floorboards had once covered, and burnt to a crisp.  
  
Frodo stood outside of Room 307 of the Woodside Apartments, kind of scared. It was a good thing that Sam wasn't with him. He would be shitting his head off if he had to accompany Frodo on videotaping monsters having sex.  
  
Frodo pressed his ear up to the door. He couldn't hear anything. What if he was too late? Couldn't be. Why would Melissa have sent him if she had known he would be late? Because she was obviously in love with him. Just look at the way she looked at him. Very flirtatious.  
  
Cut it out, Frodo thought. I'm probably just early. Maybe I'll just go inside and see what's going on. I'll need a secure place to tape from, unless I set the camera up. No, that wouldn't work. It would be seen.  
  
Frodo slowly and quietly opened the door, although it wasn't so quiet. It was very loud. He stepped in and shut the door behind him and immediately starting hearing strange noises coming from the left. He slowly turned his head over and saw the even he was supposed to tape.  
  
If Frodo didn't find a place to hide and tape in about five seconds, he was toast.  
  
Legolas sat against the door to the area that had burnt to a crisp, laughing insanely and rocking back and forth. Remember that evil grin? He had drugged Gandalf's coffee with a shit potion that would make his shit really hot. Legolas had hired that pyramid head guy to scare the shit out of them all and to chop up Gandalf's stick that Legolas happened to rig so that it would send them all to this particular area.  
  
"Hahahahaha…" Legolas laughed insanely as he continued to rock back and forth. Gimli would die soon also. He had used the shit potion in his coffee. It would happen in about ten minutes, fifteen at the max.  
  
Just then, he heard a scream that sounded like Gimli's, a huge wet fart, and then something burning to a crisp.  
  
Legolas got up from being insane and went down the ladder back to the sewer place.  
  
"Hahahahaha!!!" Legolas laughed as he trudged through the water. Where did he have to go again? Oh yeah, he had to finish his job at killing people to make his Goddess be happy. He had to go and dispose of Samwise and Frodo. Sam would be easy but Frodo. He would be a little more harder since he was pretty smart.  
  
Legolas was about to insanely laugh again when something happened. A blast of sand appeared and someone appeared along with it. And it wasn't good. Because it was none other then…  
  
BILBO BAGGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
[Half time]  
  
Harold Mason was very dizzy and his vision was blurred. He couldn't see much. He looked around and saw that he was in the school, the little girls' room. He saw his radio which was smashed to pieces. That Melissa bitch had destroyed his radio and their life together!  
  
Harold cried like a little girl and then realized something. He was nude. He could also feel something on his penis. Scared and frightened, Harold slowly looked up to see what was going on and took a huge shit. Something was riding him, and there were many others like it around him, and they were all nude. Harold screamed like a little girl and came hard.  
  
Melissa Harris had just gotten off the phone with two of her friends and was now walking up the street. If she was thinking right, many people were going to die tonight. Hopefully her whole list of assholes would all be dead! Lita Bloom was going to go and pay a little visit Mary Sunderland, and Veronica Warren was going to have a little chat with Scissorman.  
  
Melissa turned onto Neely Street and saw Harold Mason's nude body up ahead. She wanted to sneak up on him and scare the shit out of him but she just decided to start right in on him.  
  
"Ah, if it isn't my old friend Harold Mason." Melissa said slyly.  
  
She saw that Harold came and took a huge shit.  
  
"Haha! Is that how you greet a friend Harold?"  
  
"You, you destroyed my radio."  
  
"Oh my, you talk and you remember?" Melissa thought that Lita said something about him not being able to talk, and about him being a complete idiot and not remembering anything. Maybe she heard wrong?  
  
"Your radio won't be revived, and you won't be either."  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
Melissa laughed at his pathetic sounding voice. She was lucky she hadn't pissed herself yet from the entertainment.  
  
"Dahlia, she came and she will revive me and the radio." Harold said.  
  
Melissa's mind froze. Dahlia? Dahlia Gillespie? What the fuck!? Didn't she die?  
  
"Dahlia won't revive your radio Harold!" Was all she managed to get out.  
  
"I have to fuck someone." Harold responded.  
  
"AHAHAHAHA! Oh, and who is this LUCKY lady, or man?"  
  
"Fuck you, bitch."  
  
"What!!??" Had Harold just called her, a, a bitch?  
  
"You heard me, bitch!"  
  
She had it. "You asshole! You will regret saying that to me!!"  
  
Melissa lifted her right hand in the air and snapped her fingers. Dark clouds hovered over Harold's nude body and thunder sounded. A thick and very bright bolt of lightening came down and started frying Harold's penis to a crisp. The process was halted though, by a familiar sounding voice.  
  
"I don't think so Melissa." It was none other then Lisa Garland's queer drugged up voice.  
  
"Haha! I see that you have come to join our party. Sorry, there are no drugs my little druggie." Melissa replied.  
  
Harold Mason started crying like a little girl but Melissa blocked it out, anxious to hear Lisa's reply.  
  
"Oh, look who's talking, druggie. You snort crack!" Lisa's drugged up voice slurred all of the words together.  
  
"Hah! I snort crack? At least I don't fuck a dead man's body!"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You said Kaufman died, right?" Melissa was going to rip Lisa apart with this idea.  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"LIAR! I have proof that he is alive! And fucking you by the way!"  
  
"WHAT!!??" Lisa fell to the ground and looked like she was about to have a seizure.  
  
Melissa laughed an evil laugh. "Fell for it, bitch."  
  
Melissa snapped her right fingers together and a huge dick appeared over Lisa's body. It started crushing Lisa to death in slow motion as Melissa laughed insanely.  
  
When Lisa was dead and mangled, not to mention nude by the way, the dick tossed her into the nude dead people pile, where a lot of people were going to end up tonight.  
  
"Keep this in mind Harold," Melissa said, "The next time we meet, that will be the last moment you will be on this planet, alive!"  
  
Melissa turned around and headed out for Rosewater Park. She had to meet up with Frodo Baggins and get the tape. PLUS, there was someone else there that was waiting o be killed and that person's name was Maria Shepard!  
  
James had sat in a driveway, watching that Melissa or whoever she was torture Harold Mason's nude body and killing a young nurse. What a bitch, he thought. He thought about what she had said to Harold before she left, something about him dying the next time they met. He wasn't going to let that happen.  
  
James was going to kill Melissa because of all the bad things she had done and what he saw her do. What a bitch, he thought again. He thought about following her, but he didn't want to get in her way, she could kill him with her bare hands! Melissa kind of scared him a little too. Okay, maybe a little more then just a little. Fine, you got me, James was scared like a little girl of Melissa.  
  
But that wasn't going to stop him from at least trying to kill her. Then, James thought of Pyramid Head's ugly mug. Oh yeah, I was going to kill him wasn't I?, James thought. I should kill him first then Melissa. Let's just hope she doesn't do anything else.  
  
So, James got up and ran off in the direction Melissa was going in. He was going to try the Woodside Apartments first to see if PHead was there. You never know right?  
  
[End credits] 


End file.
